One Moment Please…

 The next time I call customer service, especially for utility companies,   I’m going to take a couple of laps up and down the street then pause for deep breathing and stretching before I pick up the phone. I might roll with the call a little calmer if I warm up before.  What I always think will be quick, turns into 20 minutes of navigating the circuit maze.  Simple is nowhere in the equation. You’d think by now I’d learn.  I guess I still hold on to hope that I might here a real voice say, “One moment please.”

This was my one sided conversation the other day:

“Thank you for calling ____________.  Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.”

Has every company in the country changed menu options?

“Our customer satisfaction is of utmost importance.  Please hold while your call is being transferred.”

During the long silence I caught myself saying “Hello? Hello?” followed by a blast of 80’s music.

“Due to the heavy call volume you may want to refer to our website’s frequently asked questions.”

“No I called to speak to a person.  I don’t think the answer to why I’m being charged a city tax when I live in the county will be on the list”, I said back to the recording.

“In order to better direct you, please choose one of the following: billing, service connect, service disconnect, agent.”


“Did you say billing?”

I tried to sound out agent to make it sound like billing to see how it was mistaken. This only confused the machine.

“Let’s try that again”, the computer said in its most caring voice.

“A g e n t!”  I repeated it with all the clarity I could find.

“Did you say connecting new service?”

“No!  I clearly said AGENT!!,” I yelled, as if volume increases understanding.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand you. Goodbye.”

Unbelievable!  I just wanted to speak to a breathing human.  So once again I handed my composure over to a computer.

Last month’s word was peace, but this month’s word is perseverance.  Now if only I could persevere in peace I’d have it made.

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