Jump Into Change Or Stay Medicated

Suzette BrawnerGeneral

high-diver-1388551I stuck an I LOVE YOU note on Jim Brawner’s wallet as I left for Hot Yoga the other day. When I stumbled back in the front door I walked to my desk to see if the world had totally fallen apart in the last hour and a half and there was a pink note for me. THANK YOU. That’s Brawner code for I love you too. Grinning, I got into a steaming shower and there on the shower wall was another note. I LOVE YOU.

The most romantic thing wasn’t the notes themselves, but that he knows me so well he put them in order of my routine. Honestly, that’s a bit scary. I suppose I’d be an easy target for the bad guys on TV.

OK, in full disclosure, I detest change. It’s extremely uncomfortable and the same is just so easy. I look at people who face change head on without blinking as brave and courageous, and maybe secretly a bit stupid. I love a plan and I love to work the plan and it messes with me when the plan is interrupted and has to be redrawn. I could never be a military leader. It was challenging enough herding three kids.

That worn out term “Embrace the Change” makes me crazy. For me it’s more of grit your teeth and jump into it. Is it that I don’t like change because I’m lazy or am I afraid of losing control? I hate to admit it, but it’s the fear and control thing. Add to the fear, impatience. If it has to happen, I want change to be complete in three business days or less. So much change takes time. A lot of time.

No matter how intensely I resist, change happens. I want my ducks in a row, but as soon as I get them lined up, one poops and wanders off. I’m still learning to step back take a deep breath and adjust.

Jill’s acting coach, Bob Luke, once explained to me the best way to overcome the fear of change. “Sometimes you just have to climb to the top of the high dive, run, close your eyes and jump.” That helped some. So now I try to push past the what if’s that nag me on the climb up and pray there’s water in the pool when I close my eyes and jump.